Thursday, October 23, 2008

back from a break, and already broken!

The recent past hasn't been the kindest to me in any sense of the word. Things are moving fast and happening slowly. Every Monday morning, i wake up and think there're five good days till the weekend arrives, but before i can blink twice and remember all my passwords, Friday will be breathing down my neck in full fury, and I'm left with a pretty short list when my mind asks me what i have done in the past four days, so much so that the panic, guilt and frustration of not accomplishing enough in four days become a cause of wasting much of the fifth day and looking forward to the sixth as if not doing stuff on Saturdays is acceptable and sometimes inevitable. And i end up taking refuge in the fact that people only relax on weekends, which only helps my mind in part, but not entirely as you would imagine.
There're many reasons why that's happening, which, after some thought, i don't see what help it'll do to me (or you) in posting them here apart from wasting more of mine (and perhaps yours) already free-flowing time. Suddenly i have started to suck in time management, in optimizing my schedule, I've become lazy and irritable. So much so in fact that i am really in a dilemma whether to type further here, or go and study, or work. Another problem, which is what is really pulling me apart, is that, i feel i should be working when I'm studying and the other way round, and ultimately end up not concentrating on either as much as i am supposed to or expected to.
As though having a splitting dilemma isn't enough, it is topped off by an endless list of hobbies which have gathered in my basket of hobbies without me putting any effort into developing them in the past two years. Agreed, that hobbies really take your mind off all the worries, and all the stuff that's said to depressed and lonely kids, but at the end of the day, too much of anything can eat into your time, so will little of too many things.
So, what would you do, dearest people, if each one of you were in my shoes? how would you distribute your time, between an array of stuff, academics, work, hobbies, personal life, social life and family? or which one would you sacrifice if you think that would help, and why? what makes the things being sacrificed expendable? why would you prefer that, over other things in the list, to drop?
I recently had been on a biking expedition to various places in south India, covering around 1400km in six days (if you want to see the photos, ask me :P). That was when, after a real long time, i enjoyed myself, nothing but the open road, a backpack, three tee shirts, tools, a pack of fellow nomads and mother nature. It's was a trip to reconnect yourself back to nature and the travelling lifestyle, to remind you that life is not made up of just computer tables, laptops, shares and bank accounts. That was something i look forward to again next year if people are game enough for it.
But, sadly, after i came back, things again became mundane, monotonous, clinical and depressing. My fellow nomads were left working over-time for the days there were on leave. i was left assessing the damage done to my studies and work, and again cribbing about not doing enough each week. Once in a while though, things look like they're getting back the way you wanted it, but then, very soon, chaos theory will again rule. But, this has to change, or else nothing will come off it except more chaos! Have to whet my mind again with an oil-stone, just that i am neither finding the right stone which does the job in one go, nor holding on to any stone i find for long enough to do a good job.
Well, that was that, this week is already at an end, it's Friday morning already, and Saturday will be upon me soon, and I'll be left with pretty much the same list i had last week, minus a few entries, have to rub out all the dates and rewrite the deadlines again! and this time, hopefully, stick to it! you'll know in the next post! till then, chao!


  1. Hey, I had just realised that you're my blog's follower ...Thanks...Ermm, but i think you shouldn't... i'm quite weak in my english... You see i'm so blur, didn't realise it til now...sorry...i think you've link my blog for months already isn't it? Nice blog of yours, nice posts...^^

  2. he he nice wat's up with u :)